Eva Marie

End of May, the official lockdown was over in France. We could go out without a signed paper, and not just for grocery shopping. At that point, I was scared to go outside and have a normal Saturday. I was afraid to do just that. Once I went out, I obviously understood that it would be very normal, yet strange. The atmosphere was not the same, but it did not mean that the world was going to kill me instantly if I lay one foot out of my apartment.

It made me realized how much I constructed something in my head, something I was scared of even though I just imagined it. I was basically anxious to go outside and live. That’s when it made me wonder if my anxiety had worsened during lockdown. If staying inside in this very safe space with just my boyfriend (+ cat) had made me feared anything that was not inside this safe bubble. The first time someone asked us to go out, I said no. I was just too anxious to do that. The next times, I said yes because it sounded stupid to stay inside being scared while it was perfectly okay to have fun and enjoy the world out there (but still being safe!).

I don’t want to live this experience as a step back in my work with anxiety. Because yes, I worked so hard to be where I am now (or where I was before everything happened) that I would be such a shame to go back to where I was before. I don’t want to be scared of little things like taking the tube alone or going out. I can be scared, that’s normal, but I’m not sure I want to feel anxious. I know that we all experience this in our own different way and that there is no good and bad in all of those, but I don’t want to take this step back. The fact that I was so much in my safe bubble might makes me afraid of what’s outside of it.

I’m not sure how to deal with that, and it might be a while before everything goes back to ‘normal’. However, I need to give myself some peace. Yes, as an introvert, I love spending more time at home, but no, I don’t want that my home feels like the only safe place I can be. I guess I need more time to figure this out. However, I’m curious to know what are your thoughts on this. How have you been feeling lately?

Summer time. Oh, you are always hard to me. Draining my inspiration and motivation to do anything creative. Those long warm days are beautiful, yet feel like I can’t stand them any longer. By the end of August, I already crave for autumn.

Then comes September.

September has been synonymous of stress and anxiety throughout my teenage years. It meant going back to school - a mix of excitement, fear and apprehension. I hated it for a really long time. Then came my gap year, then uni. This is when September changed its meaning to me. It became the time where everything feels fresh and new. My motivation grows up and I’m inspired by anything I like. Words are flowing under my fingers, beauty is everywhere. The mixed emotions are still there, while others came such as haste, happiness or curiosity. I turned what looked like negativity into something I could handle and control. Something positive that no longer brings negativity. You get what you give, right?

This is what I call the power of September, or the new January. It always comes by mid-August, when I’m planning everything before uni starts again. I get excited for new classes, learning new things and meeting new people. This year, I finally start my master degree while working as an apprentice for two years in digital communication. I’m a bit scared that this year will be different due to covid, obviously, but they're not one thing that could take away my motivation and inspiration. That’s the real power of this month. I don’t know if it might change once I’m no longer in the school system, but I enjoy it as much as I can while it lasts.

In other words, I hope that you’ll see more of me here than you did during summer time. I’m already planning my content weeks ahead to be sure that I’ve got the time I need for uni/works/myself and then this blog. I’m not even sure there are that many of you, but if there is, I would love to know how September makes you feel, and what you’re currently doing: working, at school, no plans yet?

The Twilight series, books and movies, have this incredible moody atmosphere that I love so much. That’s probably why I still love them so much. I actually don’t remember the books that much – but I’m planning on reading them very soon – but the story always seemed to be my cup of tea, even though I get older. When I heard about this new release, I had to get my hands on it, and I did. Obviously.

As I said, I don’t remember the books much, therefore I was rediscovering the story in a way. I did not have the impression to read the same story, of course because it was another point of view, but also because S. Meyer gave us new insights and information. I loved that we learned more about the past of the Cullens, how Edwards is and why, how much he worships Carlisle and his view on life. This was some of the best parts, the “human” side of the book. The relationships, the feelings that can be so pure and sincere. To see how strong Edward gets because of love, even though he sees his behavior as a weakness.

On the other side, I saw many wrong things in this book. Because we have Edward’s outlook, we also understand how much he wants control over Bella’s life. He wants to protect her and he loves her: okay, but loving someone does not mean that this person belongs to you and that you have to know about their every moves and thoughts. It was really annoying and frustrating to see a man trying to save a woman. A woman completely capable to live and breathe, even if she is clumsy. This does not give him the right to ‘protect’ her as much as he does. I mean, he is completely obsessive, he goes to her home while she sleeps! That’s not romantic, that’s creepy (even if the guy is Robert Pattison!).

However, I rediscovered a new sight to the character of Bella. She is strong, independent even though the story try to make us believe otherwise, brave and caring. She is a beautiful person, not just a clumsy and frail little thing who needs to be saved. That’s bullshit. Of course, she is in love and completely intense in their relationship, but she also loves to be able to make her own choice, to have her voice heard because she is intelligent. She loves deeply, cares too much and probably doesn’t put herself first enough but she still is a beautiful character.

It’s quite hard for me to understand if I loved this book or not. I guess it was okay. Yet, it was lovely to get back on the story, rediscover the characters and going back into the Twilight mood. I guess I’m just glad it was not the same crappy things that E.L. James gave us with ‘Grey’! I’m still curious to know your thoughts on the book(s), if you’ve read it or planning to.

If you have enough of yogurt cake, this one if for you. A very fluffy, but light cake, tasty and super easy. We bought book of grandma’s recipe the other day, and I wanted to try this one for quite some time now. I like elaborate cake, but sometimes I want something quick and easy. However, if you’re not a big fan of eggs, I would not recommend this one for you, or just use something else instead with four eggs.

What you’ll need:

150 g of sugar

4 to 6 eggs

100 g of flour

40 g starch

1 sachet of vanilla sugar

1 pinch of salt

The recipe

In a bowl, beat the sugars with the egg yolks until it’s smooth.
Beat the egg whites until stiff with the salt. Add this to your sugar mixing with the flour and starch very lightly. Use a spoon to not break the egg whites. The mix should be consistent.
Pour the mixing into a baking tin (use butter and flower for your tin) and put it in the oven for 40 minutes at 170°C. Wait until it cools before eating.

Here it is, quick and easy! You can change the recipe to your liking if you feel experimental. Oh and yes, you might have spotted an another fluffy things trying to have his piece of it!

A month ago (already), we went on holiday in the Arcachon Bay, not very far from Bordeaux. It was a much needed one-week holiday, and it was great. I kept a journal during this time, writing everything we did and everything happening, but I still want to document this trip here with some photos. At some point, whenever I’ll manage to do that, I might add a video to this blog post. We took a bunch of clips during the week and I thought it could be cool to do something a bit different. Anyway, let me take you back to our holidays…

We stayed there for five days in total – our last day was spent in Bordeaux – even if the trip to get there for the first day was a little bit longer than planned. We arrived at our cute Airbnb with the sounds of cicadas everywhere and the southern accent in our ears. Yup, we were definitely in the South of France! We rented bike the next day as we arrived by train and had no plan to rent a car. It was also the obvious choice to discover the area. I would highly recommend this choice if you are there just for a few days. It’s really enough. But the Bay is quite big, and you can’t see everything in a week with only bikes. Keep that in mind.

The Dunes du Pilat, La Teste, Arcachon, Cap Ferret … all of those were pretty amazing to see. The city of Arcachon is beautiful, especially the “Ville d’Hiver” with hundreds of villas, all so beautiful to look at. Those who live in those are really (really) lucky! The “Ville d’été”, on the seaside, is different. The beach is lovely, the town centre is okay but you’ve got a lot of tourists and people everywhere. It was not my favourite part of the city.

We went to La Teste which is a village for oyster farmers. We ate oysters and shrimps there, it was delicious. Again, lots of people on the touristic areas, but once you go deeper in the village, you manage to have quiet spots. It was beautiful, again – even though we didn’t see that much of it in the end.

And the Dunes du Pilat. Oh boy, I’ll remember them! They were just a 20 minutes ride from our Airbnb which was really cool. But it was the hottest day of the week/heatwave (around 40°C that day!) and it was quite difficult to climb those sand dunes, really hard. I couldn’t go at the very top, but we still had a pretty view from there. We took a picnic on the beach, had a swim and then got back to our Airbnb as it was just so hot, even on the beach.

The lighthouse of the Cap Ferret was majestic (I love lighthouse…), and the trip by boat to get there was really cool. We didn’t find very much to see there (we did not have our bike anymore at this point), I guess it’s mostly houses (if you’ve seen Les petits mouchoirs, you’ll know how beautiful the houses there can be).

And finally, Bordeaux. At this point, we’ve seen a lot of the train station there but not much of the city itself. So we walked (bad idea) to the city centre. It was crowded and still very hot at this point. From what we saw on the very short time spent there, it was a lovely city which looked a lot like Nantes in my opinion (not as cool anyway – sorry, but Nantes is such a lively and amazing city!). The old town centre was probably my favourite. However, I hope to visit the city again very soon as I’m sure I did not appreciate it as much as I should.

That’s all for this week-long holiday. It was nice to leave Paris for a bit and just breath some fresh and clean air. I hope you’ve managed to have some holidays as well, even if it was at home or just next door!

Hello,This is me!

Free the freckles

Blogger and cat lover In love with books, pizzas and DiCaprio Writing is my passion

Eva Marie

About me

I'mEva Marie

French student and blogger

Post

Has my anxiety got worse since lockdown?

The power of September

Midnight Sun, my review

Biscuit de Savoie, the recipe

What you’ll need:

The recipe

A week in the Arcachon Bay

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