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Eva Marie

Blogger and cat lover In love with books, pizzas and DiCaprio Writing is my passion

décembre 31, 2020

Dear 2020

  • décembre 31, 2020
  • by

Dear 2020,

Yes, I know. I was the one laughing at all the "2020 reflection" post, but I feel the need to say goodbye. Not that I particularly liked you. Well, to be honest, I despised you. Yeah, I know: not very original at the moment, but you were a bitch. Not all the time, but most days. You were tough, really tough.

On the 31th at 11.59 pm, we will all say goodbye without any regret. Not even for those goals we never achieved, mostly because we couldn’t, not that we didn’t want to. It was your fault anyway. We will look up with sparkling eyes – and wine – and pray for a better year. If we are lucky, we will be with our loved ones. We don’t even need to dress up (dressing up is so 2019 anyway), or doing anything, really. Just acknowledging that you do not exist anymore will be a blessing.

Ahh, yes. I know what you’re going to say. 2021 will probably be a bitch too, at least for the first few months. I guess we all know that, but being hopeful is such a lovely way to be that it becomes impossible to look away. We want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, we do actually see it. Now, we want to grasp it, touch it, feel it. You are put behind us and we will never look back.

Actually, we might want to look back. I guess we all learned something, whatever it is. I personally learned that my cat can’t coexist with me during the morning, that I don’t need all those things I want to buy, especially if all I wear are comfy clothes and work 5 meters away from my bed and sofa. And that my cat still eats my hair in the morning, even if I cut them.

In a more serious and positive note, I did learn some things. First, how to step back. We all put ourselves first at least once because our mental health needed it. I did, and I still do it because I am more important than negativity, especially when people are sending negative and toxic feelings toward me. It is not possible today to live with people with such an impact. I felt breathless so many times this year that I hate having letting those toxic people so close. I learn that I can’t do that again, and it’s called self-preservation. Have you tried it?

I also learned the value of living in a safe space. I know that it’s not the case for so many people and it makes my heart aches. This is why I value what I have, what I had for the whole year: my boyfriend and my cat with me, and my family and friends farther away. Everyone being healthy and mostly happy is the only thing I need right know, especially when I know that the family is growing in many ways.

I almost forgot the most important one: bread making. I did one once, it was rock-hard the next day, did not do it again. I also didn’t buy any puzzle, which makes me very sad. I won’t go very deep on this subject, I’m sure you’ll understand.

Well, 2021. I hope you’ll make us socialized again, let us go to the cinema to see the last James Bond I crave to see, and lessen anxious minds like mine. I might try to be less sarcastic, but I don’t guarantee anything. It feels easier this way than saying how 2020 was shit and how my anxiety has come and go every other day and how some days were really, really hard. I want to keep my goodbye easy and light, even if you were the exact opposite. Bye now.

 

I'm 24, I've got freckles (you get it now) and I'm a grumpy French, sometimes, who writes in English. I love books, cats, le barbu, pizzas and Dicaprio.

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EVA MARIE
Rennes, France

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