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Eva Marie

Blogger and cat lover In love with books, pizzas and DiCaprio Writing is my passion

mai 30, 2018

I don't know what to do with my life ... and I think that's okay!

  • mai 30, 2018
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From how long as I can remember, I always had a path, clear in my head that I would take. I was maybe 10 when I said to my mom what I wanted to do: go to a good high school and then continue to college (I even know which cities – and I was right!). I already knew what I wanted to do with my life, or at least til my 20s: study to do something cool, have a good job and a good life. This 10 years old me is now studying English at uni, have done everything she wanted and probably more, and haven’t still figure out what she could possibly do after. This is one of the question I heard the most in my life: “What do you want to be in life?”. Of course, before, I said to them a teacher, an air hostess or even becoming a model. Now that I’m in my 20s, I need to give them a concrete answer that will reassure them in a way so they don’t think I’m a young and desperate woman who is in college, but as still no idea what she is going to do in two years time (yep, that’s me). This question is really tricky because, even if they mean well, I hate it. I’m getting stressed out, nervous and terribly anxious about my future.

And then I heard other people, students most of the time, being asked the same question and giving the same answer as me: “I don’t know”. It’s probably a mean thing to say, but I was relieved. I wasn’t the only one who hasn’t figured it out yet. And I think that’s okay actually. You don’t have to get all of the answers at 22. We now have the chance to change job more often than the generations of our parents and grand-parents. I don’t say it’s easier, but I think we don’t have to put as much pressure on ourselves when it comes to find which job you want to do for the rest of your life - or not. Of course I said that, but I hear the clock ticking because I’ve got just one year to really be sure about what will be the next move, and I’m still afraid to make the wrong decision. Anyway, that’s parts of the life, isn’t it? Making wrong decisions and learning from them.

I’m the kind of person who’s really unsure, especially about myself. I’ve always been a “normal” student. Not the smartest, but not stupid either. I didn’t have much ease so that means that I was unsure if the work I did was good enough. This feeling still gets stuck to me sometimes, especially when I don’t see all the things that I’ve done. I tend to compare myself to others (who, obviously, aren’t at the same stage in their life than me) and get very anxious when I see that they seem to have it all together and not me. I just think that sometimes, I need to sit for a moment and see what I already did in my life, all the things that I’m proud of and not only the things that I haven’t done yet.

I guess we all need to take this time to think of our path, what we have already achieved so far and being proud of it. We all have someone that we are proud of because of what they did and who they are, so why can we be proud of ourselves too? We have the right to be unsure, to make wrong and bad decisions if it leads us to where we want to go, if that makes sense. We all have people to support us no matter what our decisions, people who have our back and made us feel less alone during this path. Of course, at the end of the day it’s still our move to make, but still, not being alone can be less scary when we make life changing decision about our future.

What about you, have you already been lost in these kinds of decisions?

I'm 24, I've got freckles (you get it now) and I'm a grumpy French, sometimes, who writes in English. I love books, cats, le barbu, pizzas and Dicaprio.

4 commentaires:

  1. I definitely relate to this! I've known what I wanted to do in university and where since I was around 15, now I'm doing it and suddenly feel really lost! I'm enjoying the uni experience but without any clue at all about what I will do next. It's hard when you're someone like me who loves organisation. I'm sure we'll both figure it out though, life has a way of working out somehow. x

    Anna // Zu Hause

    1. It's probably because we are finally where we always wanted and being without any plan is strange and new. But yes, we'll figure it out, that's how life works like you said.

  2. I've felt this way very much after uni. It was hard finding a job, and I pressured myself all the more by concerning myself with what people thought about me. But then in reality, life is not a race, and people's thoughts and opinions don't really matter because we carve out our path on our own, and life is what we make it. Thank you for this post <3 Hugs to you. Take it one step at a time.


    1. Thanks Anna! But yeah, sometimes I guess we can find everything way harder than what they are. But I'll remember, "one step at a time" :)


Rennes, France