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Eva Marie

Blogger and cat lover In love with books, pizzas and DiCaprio Writing is my passion

juillet 18, 2018

The one that talks about anxiety

  • juillet 18, 2018
  • by

“Advice for maintaining a positive attitude when dealing with anxiety?”
“Constantly reminding yourself to make the separation between what is true and what is a result of anxiety (…). And remembering that you are not your anxiety – you control it, not the other way around!”

This is what @kathbrose respond to a question on instagram. I had to keep it somewhere because I never read something so helping and accurate. It simple and probably obvious, but it is truly the best thing I could have read. Reminding yourself what is real, and what is in your head.

I tend to do very bad anxiety, especially when I’m on my own wondering about so many things (sometimes for no reason). I find it hard to control my emotions, to control how I feel. It’s almost impossible sometimes to make the anxiety goes away. I create this whole scenario in my head that is way worse than what happens in the reality, and I do know that, but I still do it. I can’t control it even if I know it’s stupid. I don’t create problems or anything, but I do need to be reassured because I interpreted one thing in the wrong way, or my anxiety made it way bigger and hard to process. I know that I’m strong since a very young age, I know what I can endure. But somehow, anxiety looks far worse than everything else. How can you live through loss or sickness and having so much trouble dealing with your own mind? How is it that at some point you finish on the bathroom floor crying and having trouble breathing because you just feel like crap? It’s funny how the mind works, and I find it frustrating to not understand it, to not control it.

I did beat it, I made big moves and pushed my anxiety further away. I made big steps, in plural. And then suddenly, when you have confidence in your own mind and body, you find yourself crying and shaking again. It feels like a huge step backward in my opinion, even if it isn’t in reality. I interpret it as if your body tells you to stop because it’s too much. Sometimes anxious situation will be easier to get through, and for others you are just not there yet. I know now where my limits are even if I still push them again and again. I’m proud of that, really I am. But, it’s hard to feel this pride when someone asks you to go out with many people that you don’t know and the only reason why you say no it’s because you just can’t. You want to go out, you want to be able to feel good in a big group of unknown people and talk to them. However, you just can’t, not for now anyway. So how do you explain that to someone who don’t know what anxiety is? How do you explain this stress mixed with fear and disgust of yourself, all in the same time? How do you explain this “no” to someone who can’t understand? Yes, I find it even harder when it touches someone else than me. It’s scary, everybody feels powerless until it’s gone. And I guess being powerless can makes you feel like you have no control.

I guess what I tried to say was to be more in the present, in the moment. Yoga help me a lot with that, even if it's still very new, but now I do get it. Get your mind on something real, something that isn’t created in your head because nothing that happen in your head will be real. Nothing. We should try to focus a bit more on the things we can do, on the people that have our back, on the positives things, on our capabilities and strengths. And as Kath said, we control it, and not the other way around.

I'm 24, I've got freckles (you get it now) and I'm a grumpy French, sometimes, who writes in English. I love books, cats, le barbu, pizzas and Dicaprio.

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Rennes, France